my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
