i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
