My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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