Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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