I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
