so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
And then he peed in my hair
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