My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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