All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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