apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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