420 ftw
Nicole vs. Life
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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