I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
