Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
