I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
