she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
