i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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