Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
