Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
