Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
