38 yer olds are good kisserssss
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
