Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
