It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
