I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just gift wrapped bread.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
