I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize