your parents love me but you hate me
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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