I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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