my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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