Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
