just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
