My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pants are for mortals
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