There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
