Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My bed smells like the plague
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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