Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
