Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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