This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
