OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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