hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
