Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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