I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
