she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
