Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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