i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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