There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
