how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
