she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We left the knife in your bed.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
