I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
