You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
