mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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