No stitches, just platelets and will power
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
