Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
