Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i think my cat just said my name.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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