Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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