i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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