Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
