I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
